I’m okay thank you

Hey everybody, hope all is well with you. I’m okay thank you.

Well, if I was okay I wouldn’t be about to write this out for everyone to read.

The reason for this blog post is because I’m sick of hearing or reading about girls, women, boys and men being treated like shit basically. (Pardon the language)

So last night, I went out for the night clubbing because one of my friends was celebrating one of her last night’s here as she’s leaving to start university next week so we had all dressed up extra nice, done our make up, put pretty dresses on and off we went to the local club. Thursday nights are always jam packed because it’s student night and all the drinks are half price (and are ridiculously expensive otherwise) so there was a queue to get in when myself and a couple of friends originally arrived. We decided against getting drinks immediately when we went in because it was just so busy it would have taken ages to buy even the first set of drinks so we decided to just go straight through to the dance floor and having already had a couple of drinks myself elsewhere, we decided to start dancing. All was fine and good until about an hour in someone threw their drink all over me and without thinking I told them it’s fine and continued busting out. (Later on, I came to find that that spillage has actually broken the LED in my phone and now I have to pay to get my mobile fixed, sigh).

A little while later, it was just me and one of my female friends (we’ll call her S) dancing on the dancefloor, minding our own business despite the cramped conditions, the wet floor and the heat, we were still partying like it was our last time. Without immediately noticing, I felt someone from behind grab me by the small of my waist, pulled back and hands just holding my sides for a few seconds. I then heard an uproar of laughter which when I turned back to see if it was anyone I know, I realised no, I don’t know this guy and that must be his group of friends laughing. Laughing why? Because they were making a girl feel incredibly uncomfortable and vulnerable in such a short space of time and in front of so many people? Before I’d even properly registered what was going on, I felt this hand slide down the front of my dress and try and make it’s way up the skirt. Freaking out, I battled my way through the moving crowd (the hands holding me back as much as possible while still dancing)  with me pulling S’s hand.

Now ladies, I haven’t really gone out that much but what I can gather is that this or something similar has probably happened to all of us at some point. And this makes me very angry.

I was absolutely petrified. I wasn’t the most sober person on the planet but then I wasn’t the drunkest either. I may not have been a known target but what I can gather is that this guy has probably tried this before or may have even tried it other times just last night. I don’t see how that’s funny whatsoever. It’s like cat and mouse, prey and predator. Fear is the main phenomenon and it works.

Before I get comments of “did you tell any staff?” or “you should have told someone”, no I didn’t report it and yes, perhaps I should have. But there was just so many people there that I guess I just passed the responsibility onto someone else and continued my night. This was my friends leaving do for God’s sake, we wanted it to be a good night. So I just shrugged it off.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened either. Saturday just gone, I went to the same place and I was with the same friend, S and we were partying and having a good time when a guy approached me (and I’ll just point out on this particular occasion, I was slightly more under the influence), and he asked me repeatedly at least fifteen times to come and dance with me and do I have a boyfriend. Every single time I said “sorry but no I do have a boyfriend and no, I do not wish to dance with you”, he would flat out call me a liar and that I don’t have a boyfriend and that I’m just being “frigid”. Hold up. Number one, I do have a boyfriend. Number two, get your hands OFF of me, number three, I do NOT want to dance with you and number four, that does not make me frigid?!

Anyway, this guy then started questioning me like “what’s his name then” and “how old is he” and “why isn’t he with you right now then?”. I answered them all until I realised wait

Why do I have to answer to you?

He then started getting a little moody and turned to S while I was dancing with my other friend G and asked her “is it true? Does she actually have a boyfriend?”. When S obviously told him it was true, he pulled me aside again and told me that it was a “shit excuse”.

This guy was around the whole night. And that’s scary.

I won’t even go into how I got spiked when I first went there.

So, now you’re probably thinking “right, we get it. She’s angry. But what’s the point of this?”. Well chaps, the point is I feel like our built social norms of today have been built the completely wrong way. We’re not even protecting each other anymore. It seems to be whoever gets their own way (whether the cohort likes it or not) wins.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

We need to spread awareness.

We need feminism.

For all of us boys. You, us, everyone.

Feminism is equality.

And remember, no means NO.

Watch this

Love, Courtney-Jane x

Sleeping and Dreaming are two completely different things

Evening all.

I hope you’ve all been well since we last spoke, if not drop me a message and we’ll talk about it. I won’t bite.

I’ve had a lot of feedback about my dream posts, mainly people saying how different they are and how interesting lucid dreaming is and how some people have never even heard of lucid dreaming before. Madness. Well, let’s get you all in the know.

If you haven’t read my post before explaining about what lucid dreaming is, the different types of dreams and a basic guide as to how to train yourself to lucid dream, click here.

I’ve also had a couple of people ask me why am I so interested in dreams because “it’s basically just sleeping, there’s no hidden meaning”. Yes there is. Nothing’s as simple as 123 and I’ll explain why.

The human brain is bloody magnificent. It’s literally so magical and I don’t think people seem to realise how much. It’s not just a brain, it doesn’t just think or keep us alive. It keeps us human.

It makes us human.

It makes us different to every other species. We are able to think, feel, experience, remember, heal, understand and accept. Name one other animal that can do everything that humans can. None. We are so different, and it’s all because of our brains.

Our brains have the capacity to empathise and I think that’s one of the main differences between us as humans and other species and like I said previously, it’s able to heal itself because of our unconscious mind. Say someone is going through a rough or traumatic time and we have nightmares about said troubles, it’s because it’s a way our mind is filing away, accepting, facing and understanding these times and emotions. Without this, psychologists say we would be a totally different species, and I for one, love this.

lucid-dreams
Lucid dreaming at http://www.wishlist.com

 

The brain truly is magnificent not just mentally but if you’re interested as to how amazing the brain truly is, read The Brain’s Way of Healing by Norman Doidge, it brings up how the brain is “too sophisticated for its own good”, it’s ability to restore lost functions, (for example after a stroke a person may lose their ability to talk or to read but the brain can “recharge itself” and learn these things all over again), and how the brain can actually preserve itself. Remarkable.

Anyway, let’s get back to the dreams. Dreams are truly remarkable. Imaginative, understanding and a world of our own. Experiencing things on our own, for our own eyes. It’s like reading a book or watching a film that we absolutely adore except you’re the only one who can see it and experience it. It’s very personal and it’s a gift that everyone should treasure. Our brains healing while we watch. Beautiful.

I’ve had some really weird dreams in my time, dreams that I was able to venture out and see, dreams where I haven’t been in control and have just been amused to watch or dreams where I sort of know what’s going on but had no control over. Lucid dreaming at it’s finest. Yes, I can lucid dream and no, that doesn’t mean I can control every single dream I have because that would be boring. I like to see what my brain wants to show me and sometimes I just want to see what I want to see. Just depends. People seem really surprised when I tell them this but I’m not quite sure why because imagine you could control every dream you ever had. Realistically, your dreams would be very similar each night because you would want your deepest desires and wishes fulfilled, and therefore that’s what you would dream about. You’d want to mix it up a little every so often, and that’s exactly what I do.

I know this was a short one but I still respect everyone reading this and I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences lucid dreaming and I’d also like to hear what other people dream about generally. It’d tell me a lot about you as a person.

Like this post if you want a clear guide as to how to train yourself to lucid dream and if it gets enough likes, I’ll get on it right away! Thanks for reading my mind.

Love, Courtney-Jane x

Nightmares

Hello everyone! I hope you are having a good summer and if you’re lucky enough to be on holiday or are midway through your summer break, you’re a lucky thing. Holidays mean nice weather (if you’ve gone abroad mainly), parties, a lot of socialising, a lot of sleeping, cold drinks, loud music and happy times.

I wanted to talk about nightmares. Nightmares are the worst but I try to embrace them as much as I can because it can tell me things that my conscious mind can’t. Whenever I have a nightmare, I particularly record it in much finer detail. That way, I can reflect on it as much as possible. Nightmares can tell you a lot about your biggest fears, your darkest emotions, your dark fantasies and your relationships with other people. Now, when I say ‘nightmare’, don’t think I’m only referring to that nightmare you had when you were young, getting chased by an axe murderer and then you fell over and woke up terrified beyond belief. Nightmares can be as simple as a bad day at work and then you got fired. Google’s definition of a nightmare is

“a frightening or unpleasant dream”

It doesn’t have to scare you to be a bad dream.

I have nightmares quite often but there was a particular phase when I was about 14. I was going through an unpleasant experience and I literally felt alone and isolated and as expected, I wasn’t having many pleasant dreams but my nightmares helped me get my head around the situation and was my mind escaping my problems. As much as everybody dislikes having nightmares, it was pretty useful because it made me feel fresh in the morning. Like I’d made progress. Of course, a few kind dreams here and there wouldn’t have hurt but I get a lot more good dreams now and that’s what counts.

This is where things start getting a bit distressing and if you don’t want to read it, I suggest you turn back now. If not, enter with caution. This is me.

One of the worst nightmares I have ever had was I was strapped to a bed in the middle of a pitch black room. It was like laying in a dentistry seat with a single spotlight on me, as if I was on stage and I couldn’t see the crowd or whatever else was out there. One by one, some of my abusers came over to me and were saying incredibly taunting things directly to me. They made me look them in the eye while they told me everything I did not want to hear, besides the fact I really did not want to look into their piercing eyes. It was all the people I hated in my life, who had done terrible, terrible things and they were all there. In a row before me waiting for their turn. I had this dream a couple of times, each time waking up in an absolute state.

Besides this horrible vision each night, it helped me come to terms with a lot and I won’t lie, one of the main reasons for that is because it made me realise that things that have happened to me in the past weren’t my fault and even though I did not want to hear the things that my mind was telling me, I was listening. And it helped me a lot.

Your deepest fears can be overcome, you just have to tackle it head on. Besides, it’s an excuse for a kip. Who wouldn’t want that?

To brighten the mood a little bit, here is some artwork from people trying to capture their versions of nightmares.

Several_Nightmares_from_Sunday_by_NicoGamer
weandtthecolor.com

 

9e33cbb4805d5eaabdfc782d567c85a5
Lovecraft’s Nightmare by Michael Whelsan
rise-of-nightmares-walkthrough-box-artwork-640x325
And my personal favourite which I found on http://www.videogamesblogger.com

 

 

 

Thank you so much for reading, CJ’s back for good! If you like me talking about dreams and the human mind, give this a like! Speak soon!

Love, Courtney-Jane x

Lush Intergalactic Bath Bomb

Hello everybody.

 

I’ve really wanted to write about this bath bomb for quite some time now and I’m finally getting round to it.

 

I have personally used four Intergalactic bath bombs so far, and I have loved every single one. My latest one was given to me in a Lush Night Before Christmas gift set from my brother and his fiancée on Christmas Day. The box was magnificent and I was really chuffed with this present. I had wanted it for ages!

 

  

The bath bomb itself is different shades of blue and evidently from the title, is aimed to make your bath look like outer space. Inside of the bath bomb there are different colours to appear as though they are beautiful galaxies in the sky. Afterwards the bath water is a beautiful dark blue with beautiful sparkles like stars. It’s such an imaginative and beautiful bath bomb. Here’s my pictures from the latest Intergalactic bath bomb.
  
  


Here are photos that I have taken of previous Intergalactic bath bombs that I have used. Please also bear in mind that all photos on this post are my own photos taken on my iPhone 6 and have not been edited whatsoever.


  

You can order your own Intergalactic bath bomb from Lush here for just £3.95 or just go to your local Lush store. Hurry though! They may not sell it when they release the new season.

 

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’re all well.

Courtney-Jane x

Guess who’s back. Back again.

Bonjour fellow peeps!

I am horrendously sorry about how I haven’t been posting. I have had my A Level exams which have been keeping me so busy! It was one of my best friends’s birthdays last week which meant partying! 

Emily, me and Bailey

 

Can you find me?

 

A couple of the guys!

Since my corset was absolutely gorgeous, I thought I’d do a post on it.
The party was burlesque themed which involved corsets and tutus for the girls, and suits and top hats for the guys. I bought my corset from Amazon months ago, but it was a truly beautiful outfit.

 

Although it was tight, it brings all the right curves out!

   

My corset was a deep blue with golden swirls on. It had black lace across the top and at the bottom. There was a beautiful black lace down my back which knotted so nicely at the bottom of my back. I wore my black tutu with it and some punk tights. I finished my outfit nicely with some black heels. I stayed in my corset for the whole night! I was really impressed! Obviously it was quite uncomfortable to wear but once I had gotten used to it, I was okay.

Do you have any obscure party outfits that you’ve only ever worn once?

Let me know in the comments below.

Once again, I am so sorry I haven’t been able to post for what seems like forever, but rest assured, Courtney’s back!

Love, Courtney-Jane x

Serene Sunday – I love…

Greetings everybody!

How has your week been? I hope everying’s been good for you all!

This week, I decided I should try out some other stuff for you guys so this week is an affordable, useful spray!

The I love… Raspberry & Blackberry body spritzer sold at Superdrug for £2.99 for 100ml.

The bottle is so pretty and it’s easy to use. The smell for this particular scent is sweet, like candy and remains for a good few hours. It’s a lovely smell and is good for if you don’t want to wear perfume.   

Photo credit: http://www.beautyvixen.ca/2015_02_01_archive.html

It’s long lasting and it’s party proof!

You should definitely check it out though, or pop into a drugstore and ask to smell it. It smells so pretty!

 

Photo credit: http://www.ohfashion.nl/i-%E2%99%A5-i-love/

 
There are so many different products as well as body spritzers. There are body butters and lotions and they all smell so good! Check them out too! 

Love, Courtney-Jane x 

Serene Sunday – incense

Hello everybody!

So it’s that day of the week again so here goes! Let’s help find your happy place!

So today I decided I would talk about INCENSE. It’s the most perfect thing to have in your bedroom or in the bath or whatever. It’s just so good!

So basically, it makes the room smell nice. You can get lots of different scents and you burn it to release the fragrance.

Did you know that the term “incense” refers to the material itself rather than the actual aroma it produces?

 

Photo credit to: http://www.buddhaonabicycle.com/shop/candles-incense-oils.html

There are hundreds of different fragrances out there that you can try and they’re definitely worth it. The actual sticks can be bought for as little as like 10p but the actual holders range from £2 up to hundreds.

They look pretty on your mantle piece but fragrances can relax the body hence why I involved it in this week’s Serene Sunday!

Thank you for reading again guys!

Love, Courtney-Jane x

I live in another world and I dream too much

Hello everybody!

So looking at my statistics over the last two Serene Sunday’s it seems you all enjoy relaxing and taking my advice on how to lean back and treat yourselves so not to worry, they will definitely be happening every week just for you guys!

So I think now it’s time to talk about what I spend about ninety-nine per cent of my time doing… dreaming. (Okay, ninety-nine per cent may be a slight exaggeration but I just wanted you to know that I spend a hell of a lot of my time dreaming). Dreaming isn’t just that weird, warped hysteria you get when you sleep at night. Did you know that there are eleven different types of dreaming? These involve

  • Daydreaming
  • False awakening dreams
  • Lucid dreams
  • Nightmares
  • Healing dreams
  • Prophetic dreams
  • Recurring dreams
  • Progressive dreams
  • Mutual dreams
  • Epic dreams
  • Signal dreams

A few types you may already know and may have even experienced yourself because dreaming is cool. It’s your own little fantasy that no-one else can see or effect… unless you allow them to effect your dreams.

Pause now to ask yourself the following question: “Am I dreaming or awake, right now?” Be serious, really try to answer the question to the best of your ability and be ready to justify your answer. ~Stephen LaBerge

I’m a big dreamer. I like magical things and I like the different route because if everyone was the same, how boring would that be? So I’m the different one! I have experienced pretty much every form of dreaming possible and so I’m just fascinated what they mean and what I can do about them to understand myself. As I’ve already told you, I am a psychology student so naturally, I want to understand myself just as much as I want to understand everybody else around me. Why am I dreaming about this? What does it say about me? Why is my unconscious mind thinking about this? These are all questions I am interested enough in to spend time to find out and I believe that dreaming really has allowed me to understand myself. I have discovered my hopes, my fears, my wishes as well as my fantasies… just through nodding off for a few hours!

So now I bet you’re thinking, “what the hell is this blog post even about?”. Well the beauty that is lucid dreaming. lucid dream is any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming.’ If you are able to lucid dream, your dreams become ten times more interesting however, you have to almost train yourself to be able to do it. The first step in being able to lucid dream, is wanting to be able to lucid dream. You can’t just do it straight away. It takes a little time and a little effort, but I enjoy doing it so… You need to get to know your dreams, understand what’s the difference between your dreams and reality. Remembering your dreams is key to do this because you can begin to identify the differences as well as liven up your conscious mind during the stages of sleep. Most people trigger their conscious mind by identifying whether it is a dream or not. Each time I lucid dream for example, I count the number of fingers on my hand. Obviously in reality, I would count ten but perhaps, in a dream I may count an absurd number such as seventeen. (That has actually happened before).

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.  ~William Dement

Another thing scientists and psychologists have said to do is keep a journal or “Dream Diary” to keep track of the dreams you have. Once upon a time I kept a written one but then thought that I was silly so I threw it out. But now, I keep one on my iPad! I use an app called “idream” and basically, you can write down all your dreams in as much detail as you want but it also has a separate section that allows you to explore and find out what different dreams mean. Have you had ever had a recurring dream? When I was younger, I used to have a dream that I was stuck in the corner of a white room and the only thing I could see was this large woman running towards me. She started out as small as a dot but then gradually be face to face with me. As soon as she got this close however, she’d be forced to start again (almost like a computer game). Arguably, this could be seen as both a nightmare as well as a recurring dream. So I searched what this meant up and here’s what I got:

Dreaming is not something that “just happens”, it’s a way of understanding yourself.

I definitely recommend keeping a dream diary, even if you don’t want to learn how to lucid dream because you can learn so much about yourself.  Sigmund Freud (a psychologist) believed that our unconscious mind made decisions about ourselves and our actions before we are even aware of them.

Lucid dreaming is beautiful and I know that this is so very weird and you’re probably thinking that I’m crazy but give it a shot, you never know.

You can download “idream” from the App Store if you’d like to try it. For more information on the different types of dreaming, I found a really cool website that narrows it down for you, just click here.

If you’d like me to write more about dreams, nightmares, lucidity or anything like that, just let me know!

Thank you for reading!

Love, Courtney-Jane x

Serene Sunday – Creamy, Madly, Deeply

Hello everyone!

As you may have noticed, this is my new website and I should probably explain why I changed. I changed because basically Find The Lost Girl was just becoming a chore to type everywhere and not many people really understood the link between the name and Peter Pan so I’ve just gone plain and simple with A Mermaid’s Blog because yes, I love mermaids and unfortunately no, I am not a mermaid. But if I could be one, I sure would be one! Not one like Ariel or anything like that. I’d be the mysterious one. The crazy one no-one has written about before. I should write more about that.

With further ado, let’s get straight into SERENE SUNDAY!! My favourite day of the week because it means I can write to you all again!

This week’s Serene Sunday is based on the beautiful product by Zoe Sugg (Zoella). Now, if any of you know me well enough you will know that I am a big bath products fan. (I counted five days ago how many bath products I have in my house and I counted 43 – separate to my family’s bath products! I think there’s something wrong with me). Now, I tried her Fizz Bar – Now £4 at Superdrug for 200g, her Soak Opera Bath Soak/Shower Cream – Now £4 at Superdrug for 490ml and her Creamy, Madly, Deeply Body Lotion – Now £4 for 160ml at Superdrug and I’m going to tell you which one I have decided to dedicate this Serene Sunday on!

As you have already seen the name of this blog post, you will know exactly which one I have chosen (how dopey of me), I chose CREAMY, MADLY, DEEPLY!

 

photo credit to: (http://vvnightingale.blogspot.com/2015/03/those-disappointing-products.html)

 

I have viewed a number of Zoella’s YouTube Videos along with her brother Joe Sugg and also her gamer boyfriend Alfie Deyes even though I’m not a massive YouTuber person (hey, we’re living in 2015, YouTubers are massive right now) and as you guys know, I work in a Superdrug store, therefore when Zoella bath products hit the shelves, I was gagging to try them out.

The reason I didn’t choose the Fizz Bar or the Soak Opera was because the Fizz Bar was lovely, it made the water soft and a lovely texture to it however, it took a lot of squares to get the water where I wanted it to be (frothy and white) and so that’s why it hasn’t featured this week. Soak Opera was also good but it took a lot of the product to make bubbles and just generally a creamy bath.

Creamy, Madly, Deeply was amazing though. When I first saw the bottle, my initial thoughts were “that is such a pretty bottle” and when I first smelled the product too, I thought it smelled lovely. It smelled like a lotion and when on the skin, it was smooth and had all the things you would want in a body lotion. The best thing about this product is that you can use it in the bath or shower which is good because I alternate between both (I tend to choose showers if I don’t have much time to get ready whereas I have a bath if I want to relax) and it works perfectly for both. It really is an all round great product and makes you feel like a princess after you use it so this Sunday, don’t forget to try this beautiful product out!

Don’t forget to check out Zoella’s blog and vlogs because she is such a nice girl and you’ll definitely fall in love with her! I ship Zoe and Alfie! Do you?

Thank you for reading this! I shall see you soon!

P.S. My room smells like a lush store at the moment! How perfect is that?! I’m so excited to use the rest of my lush products and most likely order some more afterwards!

Love, Courtney-Jane x

Serene Sunday – All That Jazmin collab

Hello everyone!

How are you all? I hope you’re all okay!

So I have decided that from now on, every Sunday I will share with you something that will help you reach your happy place on the day of rest! It can be anything from a song to a product, a movie to a snack, a flower to a scent. Just make sure you check back to my blog at 2pm every Sunday and prepare to be pampered.

This week, for the launch of my new weekly series I have collabed with Jazz to review and recommend TWO products to help you unwind, which she has introduced to me and so I thought I should share them with you all.

Firstly, she persuaded me to try out Lush’s Ocean Salt Face and Body scrub. When she initially showed me the big  black tub, I knew Lush were going to make me fall in love all over again. The ocean green crystals were beautiful and it smells like the sea too but not the horrible smell of Seagull poo. The spritz of citrus is a confident but polite scent to really bring out the fresh fragrance of the scrub and to make your skin looking and feeling clean. The texture of the scrub is rather coarse due to the salt crystals but it is great for really cleaning the skin. With natural ingredients including coconut oil, lime oils and grapefruit, you don’t get that horrible clammy feeling and your skin really does feel youthful and blemish free.

One of my favourite things about Lush cosmetics is that they are animal cruelty free. This is important to me because I am strongly against testing on little bunnies and their friends just so that we can be sure our technological advances are safe enough. I’m not saying our products shouldn’t be tested for safety but I just think it’s unfair to do it to animals because they are unable to defend themselves and they were not put here to make sure that this mascara doesn’t come out in a rash. Maybe it’s just me though, I don’t know.

Anyway, Jazz instructed me to rinse my face with water before lightly scrubbing in the salts. In doing so, the mixture was refreshing and cold and I felt instantly clean. Scrubbing in was simple, just circular motions around my face to ensure all parts of my skin had had some pampering. By the way, if you ever try this, don’t allow it to get in your mouth. It doesn’t taste as great as it smells!

Washing off revealed that all rough and dead skin had gone and my complexion as a whole was brighter and more radiant. My skin is so smooth now too!

You can get 250g of the magic for £13.95 or you can opt for 120g for £7.75 so it’s not out of pocket and personally, I think it’s worth the money. It does wonders for your skin.

Due to this being my first edition of Serene Sunday, I thought I would do two products rather than just the one! So the second product I tried out with Jazz was Simple’s Clear Skin oil balancing moisturiser just after the cleansing. With only a little bit that spreads across your whole face, it’s makes your skin look young and healthy. It can act as a primer too if you leave it to absorb into your pores and just generally makes your skin soft and youthful. It smells and looks like any other cream and because it’s in one of those compressed tubes, dispensing it is quick, easy and simple (if you pardon the pun).

It contains “no artificial perfume or colour so it won’t upset your skin”, “vital vitamins” and “skin loving nutrients” to make sure your skin is getting everything it wants and needs.

On top of all this, the product controls shine and so you will always be photo ready! Whether it’s just going out, wedding day, partying or just wanting to take care of your skin, it will do the job!

You can pick this product up for £2.83 at Superdrug right now for 75ml and when used on a daily basis, can last at least a month and your skin will be beautiful and you will thank me (or Jazz).

And that’s a wrap! So keep checking back on my blog each Sunday for my recommendations to find your happy place and I shall see you soon!

Don’t forget to check out All That Jazmin and see our collaboration on her page!

Have a good week and I shall see you all soon my lovelies!

Love, Courtney-Jane x